"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected
as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night
as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the
night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a
record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
I saw her swimming nude, in the premier of Blue Lagoon, in Graumann's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard in 1980, at all of 13 years old!
& he's theleader of the save the Earth movements, eh? Bah! Mr. "The
ocean is rising; all coastal arteas will be flooded" & his multimillion dollar beachfront mansion producing 100X the greenhouse emissions than
his neighbours.
hmm. . . I'm not even American & I see the error in this . . .
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
All of it, please!
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
I see a problem here.
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
Seriously?!
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Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake. I took what he said with a grain of salt.
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said “that gave me a heart attack!”
I told him “actually that was a stroke”
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack
and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
George,old!
I saw her swimming nude, in the premier of Blue Lagoon, in Graumann's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard in 1980, at all of 13 years
From what I understand, she did little more than kiss...as more intimate scenes were shot with a double.
Or "The preacher and his wife said that on their vacation, they saw
places that no longer exist". <G>
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
All of it, please!
Especially if everyone is farting in an enclosed space.
Or like the guy at the newspaper, who edited and prepared the death notices. He had his son there to help him one day, and he became known
as a "son of obituary editor". <G>
There really wasn't much morethan innocent kissing scenes. . .
in my recollection.
Or "The preacher and his wife said that on their vacation, they saw
places that no longer exist". <G>
Good trick!
Especially if everyone is farting in an enclosed space.
The Earth IS an enclosed space!
Or like the guy at the newspaper, who edited and prepared the death notices. He had his son there to help him one day, and he became known
as a "son of obituary editor". <G>
I use the term "bunnuvasitch" to confuse people, & identify any prigs
in the vicinity.
My dad used to always say "DAMN" when my sister and I were little (he still does).
We used to always say "Daddy stop saying that! It's a bad word."
He would always reply "It's not a bad word, that's what beavers build!" Now I say damn all the time.
I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, I’m dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, I’m dead Sirius.
A man, cursed by a wicked genie, goes to the local prophet for help.
The prophet hands him a six sided piece of paper. Confused, the man
asks how it's supposed to help him. "Simple," the prophet says, "it's a hex a gon."
All the Harry Potter movies should have been rated R.
Too much cursing.
Q: What do you call a cursed dumbbell?
A: Hexercise equipment
Q: What do programmers say wehen they find a bug?
A: Oh shift!
But there was no punch line.
I use the term "bunnuvasitch" to confuse people, & identify any prigs in the vicinity.
I've used that one myself.
And, there are 2 identical passages in the Old Testament, where The Lord said He would destroy this group of people...not only for their sin, but apparently they were very banal. As the King James Version notes "Eventhem
that pisseth against a wall". The daughter of the pastor who married mylate
wife and I lameneted that "she got in trouble for saying 'pisseth'" -- she thought if it was in the Bible, she'd be OK.
Remember the big stink over 80 years ago, with Clark Gable and theMotion
Picture Association Of America with "Gone With The Wind"?? There was ahuge
fight, as the censors would not let him say the reply "Frankly, my dear...
I don't give a damn". They finally relented...but that is so commonplace nowadays.
And going back to humor with Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, George Burns,
Red Skelton, etc. -- they all proved "you don't have to be dirty to be funny". Two ventriloquists today...Todd Oliver and Darci Lynn Farmer...
have purely G-rated shows...and they sell out quick. I've seen Todd in person, but not Darci (I've seen her stuff on YouTube).
I understand that after Darci won America's Got Talent, she invited runner-up Angelica Hale (2 1/2 years younger than Darci) and her familyparents,
to join them in Las Vegas for the shows. To me, that spoke volumes, and
was very noble of her...and I understand that the girls, and their
are all great friends. Both Darci and Angelica can sing...wow!! No wonder they both got "the golden buzzer" on America's Got Talent".
There was one of those on a sign for an area McDonald's:
"Now Hiring Smiling Faces For Afternoon Shifts"
... H.A.M. Radio Operator: H)ave A)nother M)eal.
Always good to know who you hang out with who get uptight over such innocence. . .
& why not? I'm okay with any words in the dictionary if used
grammatically correctly & not being used to hurt others.
They had no business condemning & censoring anyway!
I've seen Darci before, but now looked her up & watching all her AGT performances; I laughed when the bunny hid Darci's mouth with one paw!
Hard to claim absolute first place when both got top honours (golden buzzer)
I've seen it on a Burger King sign: "Now hiring for all shifts" (but
the 'f' was missing)
Have you heard they’re cleaning pigs with ham sanitizer?
That’s just hogwash!
Doc told me he has good news and bad news for me. Bad news is my organs are shutting down from my eating only pepperoni, ham & salami.
Good news is, I’m cured!
Q: What should we be eating on Easter instead of Ham?
A: IHOP
That’s a nice ham you got there.
It’d be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.
Q: What do you call a radio after it blows up
A: A boom box
I'd tell you a Ham radio pun, but it's not always well received.
Car sticker - "Radio amateurs do it with frequency."
At my local club there is a sign that says "If your mast is still
standing after a storm, it probably didn't have enough antennas in it"
On our club's Monday Night Net, one gentleman, Gwynn, W8BY, now sadly
SK, used to tell jokes. They were mostly not ham radio related, but
here's one in which amateur radio plays a part:
One Saturday morning, Sam held an antenna party at his house. About a
half dozen hams showed up, and the antenna went up pretty quick. At
this point, they all headed inside for lunch...except for Joe. Sam
asked the other guys, "Hey, where's Joe?" After getting a bunch of
blank stares, Sam headed outside to find Joe.
As it turned out, Joe was still up on the roof. Sam yelled up, "Hey,
Joe. What are you still doing up there?" To which Joe replied, "Well, didn't you say that the drinks were on the house?"
At this point, Gwynn would let out a low groan, and you could almost
hear all of the other hams who'd checked into the net let out a low
groan, too.
George Washington and his father used Morse code! When young George chopped down the cherry tree his father asked "Who di-dit?" and George replied "I di- dit, da-dah"
HEARD ON 2O METERS
"Yesterday, my XYL said she'd leave me if I didn't give up ham radio. Over."
An elderly ham driver was going down the interstate when suddenly his 2 meter rig crackled his call...Answering...he heard a fellow ham's
urgent warning....."Hey Elmer, just heard on the news that there's a
car going down I-40 the wrong way, please be careful"!!
Elmer replied,"Well I'll declare, it's not just one.......
there's hundreds of them'!!!!!!!!!
Is it true that "bandwidth" refers to a Ham's waist size?
The& why not? I'm okay with any words in the dictionary if used grammatically correctly & not being used to hurt others.
Exactly. I think of the language of William Shakespeare (in how the 1611 King James Bible was done), in one of his many plays, Romeo And Juliet.
first time he saw her, he said "I was filled with compassion, and mybowels
were moved". It sounds like he was so love struck, that it scared the crap out of him...just like what marriage should do to a guy who has never been married. This is TMI...but it did me...I was up all night with IBS. :P
The culture is so much to that nowadays...if it offends them, it should not be around. For that matter, that's what the scales in the doctor's offices are...offensive. <G>
Then later, Edna wanted to "sing". Darci made it like she didn't want
to do a song, and told Edna "Without me, you can't sing!!", and Edna
retorts "Without me, you don't have a college fund!!".
It brought the house down in laughter!! <BG>
That’s just hogwash!
At least you're not using a tenderizer to beat the meat with. <EG>
grandmother made. I wouldn't use much syrup on them, though.
and download the PDF file on ham radio humor. I did a 3 part skit, called "The Triple Play"...
1) The Ham Radio Wedding -- uniting ham and radio in holy telephony
2) The Honeymoon And More -- the first night together, and more
3) The 12 Days Of Hamming -- 12 things about the hobby
The first two are loaded with pun humor...non-hams wouldn't be able to understand much of it.
Ah, yes!! The adult beverages (we call them the 807's). I'll have to add that to my file.
GeorgeGeorge Washington and his father used Morse code! When young George chopped down the cherry tree his father asked "Who di-dit?" and
replied "I di- dit, da-dah"
Good one!! I'll have to add that to the file as well.
Or the woman sobbing "When I said 'It's Me Or The Radios!!', he said 'Seven Three'". <G>
(after she hanged her arse out the window in respionse to his request
for a good-bye kiss!
Nah, if I don't like the truth it says, I can only get upset at myself,
& I can't be botheredto do so. . .
I agree; that was a funny line, indeed!
At least you're not using a tenderizer to beat the meat with. <EG>
I did not ask about your teenage years! TMI. . .
douse in real maple syrup(when I have some) just before eating. . .
yum!
Seconds, & thirds(hey, I was 16 & had the metabolism of a 300lb tiger)
of all.
The first two are loaded with pun humor...non-hams wouldn't be able to understand much of it.
There yo go; I'm a non-ham. . .
Ah, yes!! The adult beverages (we call them the 807's). I'll have to add that to my file.
Why "807s"?
Or the woman sobbing "When I said 'It's Me Or The Radios!!', he said 'Seven Three'". <G>
What's "7-3"?
So I bought a telegraph machine. And then I bought a second telegraph machine.
Now I'm feeling some reMorse.
While feeding some ducks with kids, more ducks turn up.
Me "there's loads coming, they must have sent a telegraph"
Dad friend "they're birds, they tweeted it"
It's like when the doctor tells you something you're already aware of (overweight), and you say "tell me something I don't know"...then he says "your co-pay is $250".
I agree; that was a funny line, indeed!
I saw one on YouTube where a female ventriloquist from the UK (with a heavy English accent), incorporated hypnotism into the sequence with her dummy...a small monkey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbd0FcnFfO0
I still am not a big fan of pancakes...IHOP not withstanding.
tiger)Seconds, & thirds(hey, I was 16 & had the metabolism of a 300lb
of all.
That's the thing...everyone's metabolism is different.
... Ham Radio Messages And Replies Will Be Sent In Morse Code.
You're paying wayyy too much! I have made deals with docs in every city
in Florida to do housecalls(! Yes, to your home!) for under $150, so we can charge $250 all told & still make emnough to stay in business)
I love Nina Conti & Monk!
Don't need to be. Order what you like & enjoy!
I used to, 7 days a week, have 2 eggs(popached), 2 toast(uncut), 2 bacon(soft) or 2 sausages, & unlimited coffee (I'd spend amn hour there eating, drinking, & reading the paper)
Good times. . . Making the most of my $5/hour wages!
Now I only eat under 2,000 & I can't lose an ounce!
Actually, it's smaller than that, but the co-pay for my colonoscopy will be nearly $300.
I love Nina Conti & Monk!
I saw her for the first time the other day. I loved the part when the monkey told her to raise the finger (after she was "hypnotized"), and
the monkey said "Not on that hand, you idiot!!" <G> The other part was
when the monkey took over her face. <BG> She has a strong English accent...is she from the UK, Austrailia, or somewhere else?? And, apparently, she has been doing this for a long time. The monkey thinks
he sounds like Sean Connery. <G>
Don't need to be. Order what you like & enjoy!
I saw today where the cost of eating out has increased in the month of June more than any other month since 1981.
I normally am not a breakfast person, unless I have to go out, and do
a morning ham radio license exam session.
If they give real good service, I'm happy to give a real good tip.
But, I've been eating at home, as I can't afford to eat out (see note above).
Now I only eat under 2,000 & I can't lose an ounce!
Don't you just hate folks who can eat all they want, and never gain
an ounce??
Sysop: | altere |
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Location: | Houston, TX |
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